February: In Recognition of Harm Done
Guilt is the emotion associated with personally causing harm and participating in larger systems of harm—like benefiting from white supremacy or engaging in consumption habits that hasten species extinction. We also feel guilt about the actions of our ancestors, of our family members, our political leaders, and our spiritual teachers. What do we do with this hard feeling that comes in association to doing harm? For most of us, guilt feels bad enough that we’re compelled to move away from it. We ignore, deny, forget; we get defensive about and deflect what we do not want to accept. To recognize that we’ve caused harm means we have to make contact with really bad feelings. Even if we didn’t personally chop down that tree or pull that trigger, to recognize that we are implicated in these acts of harm feels awful. And, even when we do acknowledge responsibility, the impulse is usually to find repair quickly, so we can get rid of—and far away from—the terrible feelings.
About this Spell
In recognition of harm done, we plant trees we hope will grow to be as old and strong as the old-growth forests that are harvested for lumber. We donate money to the families who’ve lost loved ones to police violence. We try to live ethically—volunteering, educating ourselves, unlearning and reconditioning. Maybe we run for local government, start a community garden, disobey and rabble rouse, offer support to others and learn how to receive. From where we’re positioned, with the tools we have, we try to make an impact—to add something meaningful to the effort to repair the world.
But there is no manual for repair. And for the hardest problems, repair isn’t easy to imagine. What could repair the death of species and rainforests? What could repair the omnipresent petrochemicals poisoning the water and air around the globe? What can repair the centuries of genocide, enslavement, and persecution that have shaped our relationships to each other and ourselves?
Too often, we jump over our grief and pain into finding solutions that will “make it all better.” But harm doesn’t work that way. Money doesn’t bring back a loved one or change systemic oppression; similarly, a field of baby saplings isn’t equivalent to a thriving old growth forest. We offer you this spell to help you enter the reality of recognizing the harm that has been done. Rather than move quickly toward a solution that will help us feel less guilty, this month we encourage us all to access the support we need to move through hard feelings. Please continue to plant trees and unlearn racism and make informed choices as consumers—but try to also sit with how big the problems are and how deep the harm goes. This is a time when we are collectively waking up to our responsibilities, which begins with feeling the pain of what’s hurting and what’s dying and what’s gone. This is a necessary first step before we can envision repair. Your own hurt is the call that brings the connections and resources you need to be able to sense what more is needed in a given moment or lifetime. By recognizing that repair can never replace what came before, we honor what has been lost.
Meditation on In Recognition of Harm Done
Please find a place and a position where you can get comfortable. As you settle, let your eyes naturally wander and notice what your gaze lands on. Perhaps you find a single place to rest your eyes, or you eventually let your eyes close. Then, let your attention turn towards your breath—the feeling of it, the fact of it. How are you feeling? Can you read the answer in how your breath moves and feels? Perhaps the clue is in your mind and the quality of attention you have right now. Whatever you’re feeling, see if you can imagine your next few exhales sinking you another layer lower down into the land of feeling and sensation. Notice as much as you can in the wordless rumblings of sensation—emotional tones, associations and memories, physical sensations. Let your inhales explore these deeper realms. Breathing into your lower back, your lower lungs and belly. Perhaps even feeling the exhale settle you at the bottom of your spine, the root of your pelvis. Let your inhales illuminate as your exhales deepen your attention. After spending some time in this practice, it is common to access some form of melancholy—something that furrows your brow or tightens your jaw, something that makes your inhale gasp and your mind want to wander. For this meditation, see if you can breathe with the feeling. Watch it change. Listen to it moan. In any moment when it feels like too much to sit with, come back to the sensation of breath coming in and out of your body—or, open your eyes and focus on the color and depth of the world around you. This is an integrating practice—one you can do for any amount of time at any time during the day.
About the painting:
Corina: I live in the Pacific Northwest, where I can go hiking in old growth forests just an hour away, and where I also see the clearcuts that scissor through the forests and the timber trucks carrying giant trees through town, chained to their extended flatbeds. It’s become a familiar sight to see tiny plants growing next to the stumps of older trees. I wanted this image to hold both the beauty and the grief of this relationship. It’s one of our darker images, but I like how it resolved.
Jocelyn: At first, all I can remember is how hard it was to depict the sawdusty inner surface of that tree. Then I remember how important I felt this spell to be. And how it made sense to struggle through it a bit. To wonder how it would be received. To see if people would want to accept this spell for what it is. It was such a powerful experience to be at different craft fairs this past holiday and watch people react to this image—deep relief and a kind of melancholy joy to see people embracing it.
This month's offerings:
We’ve got a sale going on our print of In Recognition of Harm Done through February! Visit our Etsy store to get 15% when you use the coupon code: INRECOGNITION
Stay tuned for another email from us VERY SOON with a link to purchase the very last of the 2020 Calendars. We’ll be updating the Etsy shop within the week!!
As always, you can follow our shenanigans at @abacuscorvus on Instagram. And you can find out what each of us is up to by following @corinadross and @jocelyncorvus
~ In It Together~
Jo & Corina